reflections during naptime

The longer it has been since I've written a blog entry, the harder it is to write one! It's funny how that works! I've been encouraged by reading friends' blogs lately, and desire to update this blog more frequently.

We have one week remaining of our 3 month visit to the US. Next Tuesday we'll start approximately 2.5 days of travel to get from Nampa, Idaho to Sentani, Papua, Indonesia.

Zoe has gotten to see all of her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great-grandparents, and many great uncles, great aunts, and other family members and friends in New England and Ohio. She was introduced at 5 of our supporting churches. We have enjoyed seeing people and places we'd missed and going hiking, eating yummy food, playing games, picking berries. Driving on the "right" side of the road has become normal again.

My family after hiking Mt. Monadnock

Daniel's family, including Zoe's 4 cousins and great grandparents

I think that Zoe may like berries as much as I do!

Of course there are dear friends who I didn't get to see, churches we didn't visit, fun activities we didn't get to...but all in all I think that this time has gone well. Daniel has been doing training here in Nampa, Idaho at Mission Aviation Fellowship (MAF) headquarters for the past month. Zoe has settled into regular naptimes, better sleeping at night, and of course lots of playing.

Daniel gets to see beautiful mountains and trees and practice landing on little air strips

Now I'm trying to prepare my heart to leave again. We're going back to a different part of Indonesia from where we previously were. I don't know what my life will look like. I am struggling with my desire to control something--to make a life for myself that is familiar or seems important or at least not too scary.

I am stepping out, one step at a time, and I don't know where I am going. I don't know if I will like it. I may be lonely. I may be ineffective. I may not have everything that I need.

But I know someone who has promised to always be with me. He promises to produce fruit in me if I abide in him. He sees my heart. He knows me. I don't have to worry about what others think of me or how they value or undervalue me. And he promises to give me everything that I need. Actually, I already have so much more than I could ever need...loving family, friends, people who pray for me, stuff--furniture, clothes, dishes, decorations, etc., money to buy more stuff and to give away, good food, health, eternal hope in Jesus.

And as I step out, even off of cliffs, he gives me what my heart desires--closeness with others and with him. Partnership. True community.

How could I expect a life of faith to be something that I can control and contain? That goes against what faith really is: trusting God completely with myself and everything, dancing with him as I follow his lead. I want to love people like he does. I want to live for something bigger than myself.

Right now I am grateful for God's generosity, for his patience with me as he redirects my heart from worry to trust, and for Zoe's long naps. Today I am encouraged by these words:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:15-18)

I hope that these thoughts are encouraging to you too!