Monday, May 19, 2014

When I don't know what to say

I am in the midst of packing up my home in Nabire, Indonesia to go and move to Idaho for a year or so. If that sounds sudden to you it's because it is a big and abrupt change. My husband Daniel and I have been so focused on getting to Indonesia, learning the language, aviation training, and finally settling into a home here with the intention of being here for many years. We're still hoping to live here for a long time...but now we're taking an interlude, going back to the US for counseling. (We are feeling burned out and Daniel is struggling with depression. He has written more about our reasons for going back to the US on his blog. ) Daniel will work at MAF headquarters in Nampa, ID.

People have been asking me how I'm doing. I don't know. Sometimes I feel exhausted, angry, and/or sad. Sometimes I'm encouraged that we get this great opportunity for healing. I am very happy when I think about getting to introduce Ariella to her grandparents and aunts and uncles. I feel worried about the finances involved in this move and about things like buying a car and setting up an apartment. I am also afraid: what if we don't come back?

Last night I read the final chapter in the book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith (I highly recommend it). In this chapter Smith wrote about the importance of slowing down and being really present in each moment. Today I am thinking about Mary*, who sat at Jesus' feet and listened to him while her sister Martha was hurriedly trying to get a meal ready. I want to be like Mary, listening to Jesus even while there are many things to do and to think about. I want to have a quiet heart, even when my life feels like it's constantly changing. I can trust God to be with me, loving me, guiding me through these changes. 

So, when I don't know what to say I will try to listen to Jesus.


*I am referring to Mary and Martha who are Lazarus' sisters. You can find this story about them in the Bible in Luke 10:38-42.

8 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this and your heart. I am excited you will be back in the U.S., at least for a short time, and pray God will continue to direct your steps.

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  2. You've got a friend in Jesus (as you know), but also the brethren who will hold your hand in this journey. You and Dan are not alone!

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  3. Praying for peace for you and your family as you transition.

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  4. OH Joy! I know I don't know you that well but just in case you're thinking this, I want you to know that you are not failing. You are being brave! Coming to Christ and handing Him your struggles, your pain, your inadequacy, your humanness is the best thing you can do. Drawing close to Christ is always the BEST thing you can do, for the rest of your life, no matter where, no matter what, no matter how. Matt and I will be praying for you guys!

    Psalm 27:13 "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

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  5. Praying for your family, Joy! So much ahead of you, yet to be uncovered. Your heart is so open and honest, and I know Jesus delights in that. He is with you. Hugs!

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  6. Oh my - change is so hard especially when it is so out of what you planned. God will provide, He did for us in a time when Jeff was injured and did not work for almost a year. And if you are meant to return to Indonesia, you will. And if not when you come to that it will be OK. Breathe deep. I have struggled with depression in my life. Think whole person healing. Body, mind/emotions, and spirit. And if Nampa has a CBS class that would be a great place to sit at the feet of Jesus.

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  7. I'll be praying for you and the family too, Joy. I think of you often and I can imagine how exhausted you and Daniel must be. I'm glad you have this time and opportunity to address it head-on and together. I hope your time in the States is refreshing, and I know that simply sitting at our Lord's feet and listening brings healing to the soul. Blessings!

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  8. There is therefor now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! As you travel along you will see how the Good God has orchestrated all thing well in your life!

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